When Every Doctor Says Nothing Is Wrong
Nobody warns you that the real damage isn't the missed diagnosis. It's that after enough people tell you it's nothing, you start telling yourself the same thing
"Just bring her lettuce," someone says, loud enough for the table to hear.
Everyone laughs, and I laugh too, and I go back to the menu looking for something I can actually eat.
This is the story of seven overhauls, one diet that went badly wrong, and what I finally learned about listening to my own body instead of a protocol.
01
What I used to believe. Meat three times a day. Cheese, yogurt, charcuterie boards, processed everything. I followed the food guide I grew up with and thought I was eating well for years.
04
02
The overhaul I would not recommend. I went plant-based overnight with no idea how to shop or cook this new way, and replaced what I removed with processed food. Removing something is only half of it.
03
Learning to listen. Bloating, heaviness, fog, the crash an hour after eating. Every one of those is a message, and most of us have been taught to reach for the antacid instead.
The wine, and the research. The evidence on alcohol is genuinely mixed. It changes nothing for me, because I am not a population. I am one body, and mine swells on a single glass.
It was the twenty-third of August, a Wednesday; it was a nice day, and the phone rang. Within thirty seconds, he told me I had multiple sclerosis. I sat on the couch and looked at a tree for half an hour, and then I opened my laptop and typed "how to cure multiple sclerosis." This is what that week looked like.
The Call
He asked if I had a minute. Thirty seconds later, I had multiple sclerosis.
The Week
Every possible version of my future, all in one evening on one screen. People thriving. People warned. No way to know which one was mine.
The Turn
A week in, I told my yoga instructor and cried in the studio. What she gave me was not advice. It was proof that another outcome existed, in a woman I could actually sit across from.
Irritability, Exhaustion, and the Person Chronic Illness Turns You Into
I stood in a room full of clothes I could not wear, and I felt ugly.
Then he put his head around the door and said, "hey babe, are you ready to go?"
He had done nothing. He had asked me a five-word question on the way to a dinner we had both been looking forward to.
And I lost it.
I lived in that apartment for seven years and it never smelled of anything. No damp, no heaviness, nothing you could point at. Windows open, plants everywhere, immaculate. And I had headaches every single day, ringing in my ears, and a fatigue that sleep did nothing for.
What has your body been carrying?
Sometimes it's the building. Sometimes it's the job, or the years you never came down from. Your body has been keeping a record either way.
Taking responsibility and control of our health and well-being. Education is power. Prevention is protection.
NEWSLETTER
Notes from me on chronic illness, nutrition, nervous system support, and living well in a complicated body.
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